


all the reasons i want to say i love you

by pandoracorn



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: (it could be seen as either but I was aiming for it to be the latter), F/M, Fluff and (Light) Angst, Gen, M/M, Pre-Despair, i'm forming a club called the 'we love sumire kirigiri' club now accepting members, non-despair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 05:02:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13733706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandoracorn/pseuds/pandoracorn
Summary: along with all the reasons why i have to--Kizakura is alone in a bar. A remnant of the past magically descends upon him. He’d be a fool to turn it down.





	all the reasons i want to say i love you

**Author's Note:**

> TAKE THIS AS AN APOLOGY FOR LEONAEGI ANGST EARLIER.
> 
> i got hit with really bad insomnia so i decided to finish an old wip from august last year. it's shameless and way out of my kizajin comfortzone but i'll angst them again soon enough don't you fuckin worry.
> 
> the kizajin crown is still mine.
> 
> hee hoo it's 6am

Late night. Saturday. Sat alone at the bar without anyone either side. This was typical.

He tapped his fingers against the counter, and the bartender nodded without another word, pouring another glass of whiskey and sliding it down. The third one that night, and a number he’d lost track of this week. His fingers wrapped around the glass, rings gently tapping against the edge before he brung the rim to his lips-

“Is this seat taken?”

He opened his eyes and glanced over to his side, the dim lights making it difficult to register the face giving him a soft smile.

“Nah, s’empty.” Voice a half-slur from intoxication, he finally took a sip of his whiskey, as the new visitor sat himself down and ordered a drink of his own.

The small shot glass was slid down, and downed almost instantly, tapping down on the counter mere seconds after it was delivered. Tired eyes trailed up, an eyebrow raised,

“‘Bit eager there, eh?”

“It's… been a long day.” A sheepish chuckle, as he pushed the shot glass gently across the table, using his hands as gates to stop it from going astray. He glanced up, before nodding to the almost empty glass in the other’s hand. “...You want a top-up?”

“Eh? Nah, I gotta get goin’-”

“It's the least I can do for an old friend.”

An oddly serious tone made him pause as he stood up from the stool. “...So it wasn't the drink playin’ tricks on me, huh?”

“Far from it… please, Kizakura. Just one, on me.” Even in a dim light, it was hard not to see a soft smile. And in that moment, all traces of intoxication seemed to drain away. Feeling more sober than when he walked in, Kizakura sat back down, leaning slightly to his right to whisper;

“Fine, just this once. You know how I like it, Jin.”

\--

Koichi Kizakura had been in love with his best friend since college.

They first met there as roommates. Kizakura, a recent graduate of Hope’s Peak Academy (SHSL Lucky Student), a boy running away from his disgruntled family life to become more than just a small time conman. Jin, a normal kid cracking under the weight of his family name, someone who just wanted to be something other than what he was destined. It was almost poetic, how similar they were. Two birds of a feather, many people had said. They spent almost all their time together - out on the town, studying, in their dorm room. It was so comforting, so nice to have someone close who made him feel safe, almost important in the grand scheme of things. It was hilarious how easily Kizakura fell in love to begin with, but with Jin… it was a whole other ballpark. 

Maybe that's why it hurt so much when he was stood at the altar beside him. Not in front of him, but beside.

After that, they drifted apart. If only so Kizakura could pick up the pieces of his heart shattered by his own fragile feelings. 

\--

But here Jin sat, now, all these years later, acting as if nothing had happened at all. In a way, he was thankful. 

Another set of drinks slid down the bar counter, and they were grabbed almost in time. They drank, they talked, they even laughed, and those feelings of infatuation were crawling back again. 

_ This is pathetic. You barely know the guy anymore, and here you are falling in love with him all over again. _

“Well, I… I should get going.” His stool gently slid back, and Jin stood to his feet again, wavering where he stood for a brief moment.

“Already?”

“I have to, I have things to do.” Was that a hint of sadness in his voice, or was that just wishful thinking? Either way, he started to leave, but before he made his way out of the door he turned back to give a final glance… with a small, nostalgic smile to match. “See you around?”

And at that moment, the world had never been more clear.

Kizakura paused, staring in silence, almost stone-cold sober as he watched the man he had loved for years smile at him. A soft smile - hell, a  _ genuine _ smile. It was like the click of a finger, how fast his heart started racing and how desperately his brain started to scramble for a solution to his feelings. But soon his feet were moving faster than his brain could process, and he was talking before he could think.

“I’ll walk ya.”

“But… your drink?”

A dismissive hand was waved, along with a quiet ‘psh’ as his now balled fist slid into his pocket. “It wasn't worth it anyways.”

After all, he was only drunk on love now, and that hardly ever came with a bad hangover, so he was more than happy to leave his glass behind.

As he was walking, Kizakura found himself sliding his hand into Jin’s. This didn't make him cautious. What made him cautious was the fact that Jin didn't recoil, and that he couldn't feel the ring on his finger anymore.

\--

Jin’s house, his doorstep.

The cold surrounded them as Jin slid his key into the lock, quietly turning it and pushing the door open. A glance at the digital clock on a table just by the door said 10pm. The hallway seemed clean, and warm. Kizakura watched as Jin placed his keys on the inside of the door, before looking up and seeming a little confused.

“Aren't you going to stay for a little while?”

I’d love to stay, he thought to himself, but Kizakura forced himself to shake his head. “Nah. Unlike me, you don't have all the time in the world. You even said that yourself-” he cut himself off as his eyes trailed to the figure stood in the doorway just beside the front door, probably the one leading to the living room. Jin followed his gaze, only to sigh a little. 

“Kyouko, sweetheart, isn't it past your bedtime? Didn't your grandfather put you to bed-”

“He went home. He said you were talking too long, so he left.”

Jin paused and blinked, before sighing loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. Kizakura chuckled to himself - it was amazing enough that Fuhito was still around, let alone being still as stubborn as he was back when the two of them were still in school.

“Daddy? Who’s that man?” The violet haired girl quickly spoke again, leaning further into the hallway as if she was afraid. The man in her likeness opened his eyes again, before kneeling down to her level and, at the very least attempting to, gave a small smile.

“This is... your uncle Kizakura, Kyouko sweetheart. Kizakura, this is my daughter.” A mutual greeting, but Kizakura couldn't reply.

All these years they lost contact, they drifted apart into nothingness despite usually being so close, and despite only meeting by chance in a scrubby old bar, he was still willing to let this mess of a man back into his life? It was… confusing. It was touching. And it only made Kizakura realise even more how much he loved this man.

But he didn't express this for more than a shocked expression that passed for a moment. After that, it molded into a soft, almost tired, smile, as he looked down at the child that was staring up so diligently at him. “You’re just like your dad, aintcha?”

Kyouko continued to stare, before she gave a shy smile and looked away, turning around and almost hugging the doorframe.

“That pretty much settles it, then. She really is your kid, Jin.” A glance to the man at the door, who only looked at the little girl, looking at her fondly - that was clearly visible, even in the dim light given off from the living room, casting a light shadow on his face.

When Jin finally managed to coax Kyouko back into the living room (with the not-so false promise of hot chocolate) he returned to the hallway, and to the open door.

“She… she said something interesting to me, while I was making her drink.” he mused almost to himself, finally taking the time to take off his suit jacket and hang it on the coat rack.

“Did she now? I bet that girl says a whole load of interesting stuff all the time, though.”

“Yeah, she normally does. But, uh… she told me to tell you she thinks you're cool.”

“Huh? Me?”

“Yeah, you.”

“...Huh.”

Jin chuckled a little, leaning ever-so-slightly against the open door. “She looked sad when I told her you were leaving again. ...I guess she likes the idea of having someone other than me in her life.”

“Wait, what?” He slightly tilted his head in response to the statement. “What about her mom?”

It seemed that question hit a little too close to home, as the next moment the air around them seemed to sharpen like a knife, and Jin looked down to the floor. “She… she’s not… with us anymore.”

\--

Kizakura remembered Jin’s wife well, even though it had been years since he last saw her. Sumire was her name - Sumire Atsuhiko, before the marriage papers. She was short and sickly, her hair slowly going a silvery-violet due to effects of her medication. Despite this, she was a fun person. She was charming, she liked to laugh (it was a nice laugh, too… when it didn't end in a coughing fit, that is) and loved to spend time with Jin and his friends. Despite how well they got along, Kizakura always had a lingering grudge against her. He really didn't want to, he loved the girl, but… there was something about jealousy that did strange things to him.

He’d heard it was her who proposed. How fitting of her forward nature. She planned most of the wedding, aside from her dress, which was chosen by her parents. All Jin had to do was turn up looking decent… and even that was difficult. His father wanted no part in the whole ordeal, leaving the poor boy to sort himself out. He was a mess, right up until it was time for him to get married. And even then, still on the altar, Kizakura saw him shaking nervously. But as soon as he kissed her and swept her off her feet to run down the aisle as a newlywed, Jin Kirigiri had never smiled wider.

It was almost painful.

\--

“Oh… oh god, Jin, I’m so sorry-”

“No, no. You didn't know. Sumire had… a good life. She got married, she had a kid… she got to see her grow up at least a little. I… think she would have been happy with that, at the very least. It's better than anyone ever expected of her… she was always an optimist.”

Kizakura watched as Jin smiled to himself at the memories of his late wife, before shaking his head and looking up again. “But that's beside the point. Kyouko wanted you to stay over, and I wanted you to stay over, so…”

An eyebrow slowly quirked in mock skepticism. “Is this one of the Kirigiri intimidation techniques?”

“Oh, give it up.”

He laughed a little, looking away as he did. He wanted to stay, he never wanted to leave Jin ever again, but… who’s to say that was going to be reality, and not just a bag of false promises?

“I… maybe next time. You probably need to get some sleep for once.”

A light frown in response, as Jin sighed to himself. “...I suppose you're right. Though it would have been nice to talk to you for a little while longer. You know, catch up on what we missed.”

“I haven't done much since we last met.” Kizakura shrugged. “After all, I’m not some man with dreams and a family like you are.”

“Still, just hearing your voice is enough. I… I’ve missed you. All these years without you… it's been odd.”

A sudden sappy comment that caught him off guard. “...Is that right… huh. Never expected that.”

Jin couldn't help but chuckle a little at the shortness of his comment. But there was no doubt that this would be the end of their conversation for now, since he knew that Kizakura was always stubborn in his ways-

“Maybe… a few minutes wouldn't be so bad.”

“Oh? And what changed your mind?”

Tired eyes averted from the man stood at the door, and into the living room, where only a small lean would reveal a violet haired girl smiling, with eyes twinkling like indigo stars, a cup of hot cocoa in her tiny hands. “...Nothing in particular. Now lemme in, it's damn cold out here.”

\--

Over the coming weeks, Kizakura found himself coming over to the Kirigiri household more and more. Making up for lost time, as it were, as he got to know his ‘niece’ and began to relearn everything about an old friend. Things seemed to finally be looking up after so long - he was turning to alcohol less and less as a solution to his problems, had finally, for the first time in what felt like years, cleared up a good majority of his lack of sleep due to heavy hangovers that seem to linger into the early hours of the morning… he was growing well into his role as an uncle. Jin had said that multiple times. He’d even said he was proud on a few occasions - it was true that flattery was the key to a man's heart after all.

One particular afternoon was one he held close to his heart. It was summer, and it was a short period of time before Kyouko had to go back to school. The sun was shining in the sky, casting down friendly rays upon the world below it, its generosity being genuinely heartwarming, and almost intoxicating, as the streets soon became crowded and loud with a chorus of giggles. The Kirigiri family was no exception.

The three of them had decided to roam around in a meadow not too far from their house. It was a lovely meadow, with soft yellow buttercups littered at their feet, and it was far enough away from the road that no speeding cars or smoke could ruin the tranquility that danced along the freshness of the air. Kyouko was mounted on her father's shoulders, smiling and laughing as the ribbons of sunlight hit her face and made it glow, with her father laughing along with her, happy that she was having a good time. And Kizakura was not too far behind, though he remained mostly silent, with his hands in his pockets and the shadow of his hat hiding a fond smile, as he watched the two slowly gain more distance from him.

They eventually settled down in an open space of the meadow to have the lunch they had quickly prepared that morning, and from there they simply took in the scenery. It didn't take long to eat, so they soon sat and conducted in idle chatter… which didn't last very long, as Kyouko soon found herself chasing after a butterfly in childish glee. Jin, in a panic, shot up from his seat and ran after her, while Kizakura watched for a few seconds, smiling softly to himself before rising to his feet and following suit, his hands in his pockets as he strolled behind, laughing at the pleas for help thrown his way, and swinging around as the young girl ran past him, grabbing under the arms and holstering her up onto his shoulders, laughing as she still tried to grab the butterfly, looking at Jin as her giggles danced along their air. Their eyes met - this felt almost cliché, didn’t it? Gross.

As the sun set, the three of them began to leave the field, heading for the car. Kizakura carried the lunch basket while watching the two purple haired fiends who had stolen his heart walk in front of him, handing in hand… through no control of his own (he would have wanted to prevent this if he could), he soon found himself lost in his own thoughts, staring at the fleeting clouds in the orange tinted sky as his own eyes clouded over… he thought he was over this when he stood at the altar beside his best friend, watching him be given away to a wonderful woman, but it seems that time had not taken mercy on him or his weak heart - all he could seem to think about now was the smiling face of his best friend as he turned into a potential love interest to the one who got away. 

They got to the car just as the sun was resting on the distant horizon, where buildings in the distance gave off little tiny fairy lights through windows no one at this distance could see into, people inside going about their daily lives, totally unaware of the trio in the field miles away who were preparing to go home. At this point, kyouko had been picked up and was being carried, as she slowly began to fall asleep in Jin’s arms, having worn herself out from running around the entire day, barely conscious enough to keep a comprehensible conversation with her father. However, there was one phrase that made sense, just as he slowly lowered her into the car seat.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, Kyouko?”

Her voice was barely above a mumble. “Can we… do this again?”

“Maybe soon.”

“How soon? Like… tomorrow soon?”

Jin chuckled to himself, placing a small kiss on Kyouko’s forehead before checking her seatbelt one last time. “Probably not, sweetie.”

“Oh…” Even in her sleepy delirium, she sounded saddened. “I was just hoping… because, well, you were really happy today, Daddy. You’re not really happy very much anymore. You’re always happy around Uncle Kizakura. I’m glad you’re happy, Daddy.”

He lingered for a moment, before brushing a loose strand of purple hair behind her ear, and shutting the car door. By the time he arrived in the front seat, she’d fallen into a light slumber.

“...Happier, huh?” Kizakura glanced over with a small smirk, watching Jin scoff and try and suppress a chuckle as he lightly punched him in the arm.

“Nevermind that.” He put the key into the ignition, looking back to see if the starting of the engine woke Kyouko up - it hadn’t - before setting off again.

Kizakura had no doubt that what the girl had said was true - in comparison to the night they reunited, Jin looked less tired, his posture was more relaxed, hell, his laugh slowly got more and more free, as if he was finally accepting that maybe it was OK to be happy, even in the wake of tragedy. He was never really one to grieve properly. It was nice to see his old self returning, the one Kizakura remembered, piece by piece, even if it was a very slow process. Even more so, he was grateful to be a part of it - grateful to be here, to see him again, and to see him come so far.

They pulled into the driveway, and as Jin went to unlock the door, Kizakura went to grab Kyouko, who only woke up a little when he lifted her into his arms - rather awkwardly, mind you, since he wasn’t really experienced with looking after children - making a rather small and pathetic-sounding noise before resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes again, her breathing soft and almost dream like. The door swung open, and with a small and silent signal from Jin, Kizakura quickly carried Kyouko upstairs, tucked her into bed, even daring to give her a little kiss on the cheek, watching her give a small smile in response, which he responded back in kind. She was only pretending to be asleep, after all. But now she was in bed, tucked in and cozy, she’d fall asleep again soon enough anyway. Closing the door behind him, he left the room, still smiling to himself, heading back downstairs.

“Drinks?”

Jin looked up from the glasses he was pouring, stood on the small table underneath the cabinet in the corner of the front room, shrugging his shoulders. “Yeah. I had some spare whiskey that I wasn’t going to touch otherwise, so…”

He smirked as he walked over, taking a glass and leaning against the cabinet next to him, raising it over for a small toast, which was met in kind. The glasses clinked, then drunk from, finished rather quickly and put down at almost the same time, followed by a moment’s silence. “You always know how much I love a good whiskey.”

“How could I forget? You’re like some kind of… alcohol connoisseur.”

“As I should be, considering.”   
“I still don’t understand how your liver hasn’t collapsed.”

Kizakura laughed, grabbing hold of the bottle and pouring some more into the bottom of his glass. This time though, he paused, looking into the bottom of the glass before looking over again. “Your girl’s a smart one. She knows how you work better than you do.”

There was a small hum in reply. “Yeah, I wouldn’t doubt that. She’s a real detective.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if she goes to work with your father.”

“As much as I hope for that not to be the case, I can’t help but agree.” He sighed quietly, tapping his hands on the table before turning around and resting against it, folding his arms. “...He’s been trying to speak with me, you know.”

“Oh?”

“No doubt about Kyouko. She’s only ever met him a few times, but he’s already seen the same potential both you and I have. ...I fear for what he may do to get his hands on her.”

“Listen, with both you and I here, there’s no way he can take her by force. She’ll be fine.”

“Nothing’s going to stop her from going on her own accord, though.”

“Yeah, but that will take time and plenty of thinking. And for someone as young as her, I think she has better things to do.” He paused to take a drink, looking into his glass again soon after. “...Like worry about you, for instance. You holding up OK, or is it just a brave face?”

“...” Jin paused, almost pondering the question, as if he’d never considered it himself before. “All I can say is that, maybe… I’ve been a lot better about it. About… Sumire.”

“Mm. As I thought. ...You’re welcome.”

“...Who said it was because of you?”

“Uh, Kyouko-chan did. And I’d trust her with my life, I’ll have you know.”

Jin frowned, looking over as Kizakura smiled into his drink, trying his hardest not to do the same but not being able to, covering his mouth to muffle a laugh. “Fine. Thank you, Kizakura.”

Kizakura hummed in amusement, taking another drink, this one for an extended amount of time, looking over as he did and letting their eyes lock for a moment before he tore his gaze away, and pulled the glass, now empty, from his lips, staring into it as he tried to find some semblance of a sentence in the depths of his mind… clearly unsuccessful, he turned to grab the bottle of whiskey for a top-up… freezing as he felt Jin’s hand on top of his. His heart stopped - he was getting too hopeful now, no, down boy - and he looked up to see Jin looking directly at him, almost burning holes into him with a gaze that couldn’t be described with words, but… it was similar to the eyes he’d caught at a glance on the alter all those years ago. Eyes of trust. Eyes of admiration.

After that, it wasn’t totally clear what was going on, it felt so surreal and blurred that Kizakura wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol kicking in or if he was just dreaming. He put the glass down and moved his hand, flipping it to grab Jin’s, who didn’t object, using it to pull him closer, resting a hand on the other man’s hip, before moving his face closer and- well, now they were kissing by the liquor cabinet in the Kirigiri family living room, which was the farthest Kizakura thought he would get in years, let alone months, or, in fact, on the condition that he would ever see Jin again, which he was preparing not to be the case. But years of knowing that this man - this overworked, stressed-out, lonely man - was the man he loved for so long had taken a toll on his impulses, it seemed. The one thing he noticed, however, was there was no objections at all, so, that meant that… perhaps, his mental putdowns for all this time had been wrong. Maybe he wasn’t hopeful. 

Air grew sparce, but as Kizakura wasn’t prepared to move, it seemed, it was Jin who pulled away, glancing around for a moment before letting out a quiet sigh. “I… shit, sorry,”

“Huh? What’ve you got to be sorry for? It’s fine,”

“No, I-”

“Jin.” His tone was short and snappy, as he tightened the grip on the hand he held in his own, as if to say that this was in fact real - oh god, it was real, something that Kizakura had only fully realised himself. Remaining calm though, he continued, “It’s fine. I started it. It should be me who’s apologisin’.

They shared a moment of silence together as Jin furrowed his brow to think og a retort to put himself in the wrong, a trait he had always had, causing Kizakura to laugh. He frowned, almost scowled, before laughing himself, at himself. “...You always seem to do this to me.”

“Whatever do you mean?”

“Don’t speak like that, you clearly know what I mean. ...Change me and influence me.”

“For the better, mind you.” He moved his hand away from Jin’s hip to tip his hat up a little, smirking ever so slightly to see Jin laugh again, freezing up as he leaned forward slightly and pressed his forehead against his.

“Yeah… I think that’s the way to describe it.”

Kizakura watched, from such a close distance, him close his eyes before smiling to himself, doing the same for a moment, before opening them again. “So… this is… a thing?”

“I suppose…”

“...You sure about this?”

Jin paused to think, before nodding slightly, as to not move too much from the position he’d assumed. “I think… I’ve grieved for long enough. Sumire wouldn’t want this… and besides… this is the whole reason I came to find you again. I needed my best friend back, a pillar to lean on when the other’s had fallen down. I don’t have my wife anymore, I never really had my father to rely on… but I’ll always have you. And I can count on that to be fact.”

There was no reply, only a light, almost flattered laugh and a quick kiss before Kizakura pulled Jin into a hug, staying there for as long as he could muster before the two headed up to bed, sleeping beside each other for the first, and definitely not the last, time.

\--

It had taken Kyouko a while to understand, to be sure. Though, not as long as Kizakura had expected - it’s just as Jin had told him this whole time, she was a smart girl, a perfect Kirigiri detective in the making.

“So…” she paused and shuffled him the place where she stood, looking up with round, purple eyes, so much like her mothers. “I have two dads now?”

“Mhm. You’re fine with that, right, sweetheart?”

“Of course!! I mean, Uncle Kizakura was part of the family anyway, I guess I can call you… Dad Kizakura?” Kyouko blinked. “...No, that sounds stupid.”

Kizakura laughed from the kitchen, poking his head around. “Just Kizakura is fine, Kyouko-chan. Or Koichi. Either or, whatever floats your boat, kiddo.”

She stared for a moment before grinning. “Uncle Koichi!”

“Ah- sure thing, that sounds good to me.”

She clapped her hands together, smiling, before looking up at Jin again. “Hey, Daddy, does this mean we can have family meals again, like we did when Mommy was here?”

“Uh- I…” He seemed to be caught off guard for a moment, stumbling over his tongue in a rush to get out an answer, pausing to collect himself for a moment. “...Yes.”

“And does this mean more picnics?”

“Absolutely.”

“Yay! Oh, but, can you not make the sandwiches next time, though? They were kinda… nasty.”

A loud snicker came from the kitchen, as Kizakura shouted in, over the sound of the kettle brewing his coffee.. “That’s your dad, alright. He could never cook. Why do you think your mom owned the kitchen so often?”

Kyouko laughed along, nodding happily, leaving Jin to smile despite the jokes being made at his expense. This is how life was going to be from now on, and from the smiles on everyone’s faces, it was clear to see that not one of them minded all too much.


End file.
